i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize