Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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