Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize