He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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