just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
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I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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