If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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