yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
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Everything about him screamed your future.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
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My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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