I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize