oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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