remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
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If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
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My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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