So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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