fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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