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Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
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