I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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