Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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