Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my poor anus
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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