textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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