her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
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He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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