Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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