we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
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And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
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Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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