You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
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I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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