it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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