LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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