when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
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the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
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It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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