Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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