I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize