The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
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I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
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I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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