Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
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My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
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PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
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