hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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