I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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