State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I lost the right to judge tonight
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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