my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
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A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
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I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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