just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
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I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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