I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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