I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize