Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize