I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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