I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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