Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
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