peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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