I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just invented taco cereal.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize