Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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