I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
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The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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