We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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