So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Randomize