I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize