Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize