remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
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I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It's official drugs can't kill me
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You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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