did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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