Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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